One True Thing from Dr. Donna Robinson: There Are Always Two Sides to a Story

As a college student, one of the activities I remember enjoying most was an assignment I had in Dr. Donna Robinson's Methods of Teaching Secondary English course. In a group with three other students, we were charged with reading Parker Palmer's highly inspiring and deeply vulnerable book The Courage to Teach and then creating a presentation which entailed a highly interactive, engaging, and instructive approach. My group members and I tried to do what Dr. Robinson had always encouraged us to do--to think of how we'd fare with what we shared inside the corridors of a real high school. What would engage our students? What would interest and instruct them?

And so, we decided upon sock puppets. And a song in rhyming couplets set to the rhythm of a highly popular Billboard chart-topper of the time. We sang our song (or, more precisely, the sock puppets sang and we merely orchestrated) and I remember looking up at Dr. Robinson and seeing the seed of a smile grow. After many courses with Dr. Robinson more than a decade ago, and teaching myself in three different school settings, I have continued to remember her great zeal for making learning active, engaging, and rigorous for students. The mantra that comes to mind when I think of Dr. Robinson is, undoubtedly, the resolve to practice what one preaches. In every one of Dr. Robinson's lessons and lectures, she consistently embodied that ideal--she modeled for us what effective, engaged, and inspired teaching looks like. And I am deeply grateful for her passion, her enthusiasm, and her wisdom.

So I am very happy to share Dr. Robinson's One True Thing today.

There Are Always Two Sides to a Story
Donna Robinson, Ed.D

Growing up in a small rural town in Maine I had to make my own excitement. It was the only way it was likely to happen. When I was eight, one of my favorite positions for doing this was lying on the floor with my ear to the cold, linoleum floor.

My Dad was a revered Baptist pastor who was known throughout the little town for his compassionate counseling abilities.  Many an evening those in need of his countrified wisdom sat crouched close together in his crowded study - directly below my bedroom.

The ones I liked best were the couples that came in screaming at the outset – I didn’t have to strain to hear as much as with the quiet folks. Inevitably, Dad made a firm and unequivocal pronouncement to the loud combatants. “We are going to hear each of you thoroughly and without interruption. That means that first one of you will explain your journey to my doorstep and then the other will do so – without interruption! We are going to hear both sides of the story.”

Over numerous years I listened to some pretty interesting stories and I learned a great deal about human nature – and, no, I was never caught, nor did I ever speak of what I had ascertained. I knew the gig would be up if I did.

One solidified observation of those counseling sessions stood out above all others. There really were two sides to every story. Just when I finished hearing a woman tell her side of the perceived argument and I was certain her husband was at fault, my Dad would calmly turn to the man and say, “OK, let’s start at the beginning and hear your perspective.”  And then an ever-expanding web of complexity began to grow.

As a wife, mother, friend, middle school teacher and professor I have found that learning to not rush to judgment has been the outgrowth of those days spent listening on the floor.

Both children and adults deserve the respect of being heard completely – with no interruptions or hasty conclusions.  One true thing that has permeated my many days in the company of my human companions on this journey is that there are always two sides to a story. An honest writer always remembers this when portraying characters and experiences and outside the realm of fiction, I see the need to act on this as I intersect with those around me.

The Darkest Day of the Year

Today in England, the sun set at about 11:25 am. Okay, seriously: the sun set at 3:30 in the afternoon. (Though it sure felt like 11:25 in the morning.) But it rose at about nine o' clock, and for those six and a half hours, we looked up at a sky that drizzled us with mocking rain and then laughed through a thick layer of clouds.

For other reasons than the fact of absolute minimal sunlight, today--and this past week--has been very dark. I grew up in Connecticut, and hearing the news about Sandy Hook rattled me. Like many people, I found myself weeping.

In the flurry of articles that have come out in this past week, none is able to articulate exactly why this kind of tragedy is pepetuating itself over and over again. But one area that continues to go unexamined by most social theorists and also those in the media is the area of gender. Jackson Katz and Byron Hurt are doing their part to discuss why of the 62 mass killings on American soil, 61 of them have been commited by men. Katz powerfully reasons that if the opposite were true, and 61 of the 62 mass killings had been perpetrated by women, all we would hear and read would be about the gendered nature of the crimes.

As a society, the way we socialize men is dangerous and we see this over and over again. The 61 mass murders are the highest form of the tragedy, but every day we see lesser versions--no less horrendous to the victims, however--of gendered violence: we see men killing men in gang warfare; we see men fighting men for pride, revenge, or to prove their masculinity.

In essence, we see men learning repeatedly--from father, from film, from heroes and mentors--that the only way to be a man is to be tough, violent, and aggressive. Men are not revered for their compassion, gentleness, empathy, and their tears.

I think one reason why Harper Lee's Atticus Finch stands so tall after all these years is that Lee artciluated through fiction an idea of what genuine strength in masculinity could look like.

It could look like going against the bullying culture so many men are bred into and indoctrinated towards. It could look like self-reflection rather than blame. It could look like an end to attacks and harassment (whether through words or actions) and a commencement of authentic listening--asking what it's really like to walk in the shoes of other people, whether minorities, females, homosexuals, or transgendered people.

Until we come face to face with a fraction like 61/62, we are going to be missing an underlying cause of the violence we continue to see in every city of every state of our country. Masculinity does not have to be defined by aggression, violence, tough-talk, and lack of empathy.

After the sun had set today, Jennifer and I watched Tyler run back and forth through our kitchen and hallway as we blasted Enya's Winterland CD. He was laughing, running, laughing, running, giggling.

Tyler is four years old.

He is my son.

The question I am faced with as a father, and the question we are all faced with as members of an American society, is this: How we can we teach boys that to grow into men does not mean to lose one's ability to giggle, to weep, to show compassion, empathy, tenderness, and vulnerability?

It is time we make heroes not only of those who hold a gun--whether in films or in real life--but also of those who hold a hand. If we can learn, as men, to move forward hand in hand--vulnerable, honest, authentically strong--rather than as aggressive lone rangers, I think American society will see massive shifts. Our darkest days--no matter when the sun sets--may yet transmogrify into our brightest possibilities.

One True Thing from Angela Ackerman: Kindness is Contagious

Angela Ackerman is steeped in writerly wisdom--but she is also steeped in life wisdom. The marriage of these two attributes is a blessing to her readers--those who follow her and partner Becca Puglisi's incredible blog The Bookshelf Muse, and those readers of their highly valuable and elucidating book The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Character Expression. Angela spreads warmth and generosity wherever she goes--both in person and with her words. So I am so overjoyed to share One True Thing from Angela here today on kindness and paying it forward.

Kindness is Contagious
By Angela Ackerman

I really only have one moral belief that I follow in life: if you can help, do. This mantra guides me as I interact with people, make decisions, and plan my future. I like to be there for others, and contribute to their happiness and success if I can.

It doesn't always work out of course. Like the time a crazy hell cat ran into a neighbor’s house because I had called on her to inquire if a lost cat I’d found was hers (It wasn't  But to be fair, they looked almost identical). And then there was the time my other security conscious neighbor drove off, leaving her garage door wide open, so I closed it for her. (And then subsequently had to help her break into her own house when she returned because her garage door had malfunction and wouldn't open.) Hmm. I see a pattern here: Me. Neighbors. Kindness backfiring.  Perhaps I should think twice about anything involving neighbors?

But back to the meat and potatoes. Why do people proactively do things for others? The small things. Simple gestures. Bits of kindness that aren’t necessary, but people do anyway.

I think it’s because deep down we hope that kindness will inspire kindness.

When it came time for our Emotion Thesaurus book launch, Becca and I knew one thing: we were not comfortable waving our book and asking people to buy it. That’s just wasn't us. So we decided to do something we could get very excited about, something we believed in: proving that kindness will pay forward.  

Our launch initiative involved convincing one hundred writer/bloggers, in secret, to do a Random Act Of Kindness for another writer and post about it on their blog on the same day (our release date). We created a week-long event for this, with prizes each day that people could try to win, prizes donated by industry professionals like Scrivener and Writer’s Digest who believed in what we were trying to do.

The first day was amazing. One hundred Acts of Kindness hit the WWW, things that included small gifts, shout outs, offers to read work and more. The people who were on the receiving end were blown away that someone they knew in the writing community would single them out so thoughtfully. Words of gratitude swam across the internet.  It was great!

When day two came along, Becca and I held our breath.  Would the kindness roll forward as we believed? Would people be inspired by our Kindness Blitz?

And you know what? By the end of the week, we estimate that over 200 bloggers joined Random Acts of Kindness for Writers. So my one true thing is simply this: Kindness not only brings about amazing things...it is also contagious!

Angela Ackerman is one half of The Bookshelf Muse blogging duo, and co-author of The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression. Listing the body language, visceral reactions and thoughts associated with seventy-five different emotions, this brainstorming guide is a valuable tool for showing, not telling, emotion. 

One True Thing from Jennifer Reynolds: You Are Enough

Okay, the truth: Jennifer Reynolds is about the most awesome person I've ever met in my entire life. She's my best friend. She's deeply committed to social justice. She can research some of the most harrowing details of human trafficking, and yet still manages to wake up every day and believe in hope, in love, in faith, and in fighting for a better world. Jennifer is the kind of person who dances with her four-year old son in the ancient ruins of Barnard Castle in the Yorkshire Dales. Jennifer is the kind of person who whip up an original, incredibly tasty soup from scratch. Jennifer is the kind of person who brings a book like The Sunflower Sword to life. And Jennifer is the kind of person whose pilgrim soul is ever on thew lookout for new possibilities, new ways of growing and changing both herself and the world around her. So I am beyond honored and excited and over the moon to have my wife share her One True Thing today.

You Are Enough

By Jennifer Reynolds

When Luke asked me to write my thoughts for “One True Thing” I laughed: not because I thought he was joking, not because I didn't want to, and not because I don’t know any true things. I laughed because it made me nervous to narrow down my thoughts and construct something interesting and original (especially within the “paragraph or two” suggested length!). But there was also something else, and it was a subtle sense that anything I came up with could never be just right or worthy of posting “out there”. It’s a battle I have faced for a long time, and it is one that I believe is shared by many others. It is a battle I have tried to put to words and have often come up short. You see, I love to write, to create, to research and to engage with social justice issues. And yet, it is when I am actually trying to pursue these ventures that make my little heart beat so fast that I feel most inadequate. It has left me puzzled time and time again.

So where does this leave me with sharing “one true thing”? Recently, I watched Dr. Brene Brown’s TED talks on vulnerability and shame, and felt something click. As she eloquently suggests in these lectures, there is power in imperfection and letting go of control. There is power in retraining our minds to think more about our passions, our gifts, and the blessings all around us rather than what other people think about our actions and decisions. There is power in recognizing that who we are is a gift in itself, and it is not egotistical, arrogant or self-centered to love ourselves (which is not the same thing as putting ourselves on a pedestal above others; rather, it is treating ourselves with kindness, compassion, patience and grace). This is essential if we ever hope to fully love others. And it starts with seeing and believing one true thing: I am enough. You are enough. We are all worthy of love and belonging…just as we are.

(For a brief talk from Dr. Brown on her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, see this clip which was featured on PBS: http://www.pbs.org/about/news/archive/2011/pbs-living-courage/) 

One True Thing from Chris Doyle: Ethics Trump Technique

I first met Chris Doyle as a brand new teacher at Farmington High School, in Connecticut. Immediately, Chris became both a role model and a mentor for me. His incredible passion for ideas, truth, ethics, and his insistence on challenging his students to think far beyond grades and status-quo celebration was deeply inspiring to me. Chris was always ready for an intellectual conversation that challenged my own thinking, and that encouraged me to become the kind of teacher I longed to become. Students in Chris' classes left his classroom with a more clear view of the world and the issues we face within--not narrowed down to sound bites but rather viewed in their full complexity and authenticity. Chris is the kind of inspiring thinker, teacher, and writer who is never satisfied with falsehood, ease, or empty standards based on the status-quo. Instead, Chris Doyle is a person who says, in the words of Socrates, "I prefer nothing, unless it is true." So I am very excited to share Chris Doyle's beautiful and thought-provoking One True Thing. 

Ethics Trump Technique

by Chris Doyle

Our culture prioritizes technique at the expense of goodness. Walk into a bookstore and you’ll see shelves full of self-help books, study aids, how-to manuals (“for dummies,” even), and guides to better eating, better sex, better personal finances. You might not find, however, even a single contemporary, secular, work devoted to ethics; if you want to read up on those, your best bet is the classics section. 

We wall off ethical discussion, often confining it to religion, where it can be embraced, or not, as part of one’s personal faith. Thus ethical debates go missing from public schools, universities, and civic life. The press might ask: “Can we win the war in Afghanistan?” The media rarely, if ever, questions whether that war is moral. I taught recently at a school whose articulated values included “efficacy,” that which produces a desired outcome. Absent from the value statement were words such as justice, love, compassion, wisdom, virtue, or fairness. 

I have learned not to be surprised when my high-school students stumble over fundamental ethical questions. They prize technique and the status that derives from it; that’s what they learn to value. I don’t think it has to be this way, though, and I don’t think it’s futile to replicate the kind of tough ethical questions that Socrates modeled. What counts as truth, beauty, wisdom, and love? How do we acquire such traits? In our world, these questions are subversive. They get beyond technique and undercut it. What would happen if pursuit of the good took center stage in American education reform? What would it mean, then, to “race to the top,” “leave no child behind,” “compete in the global economy,” or deliver “a world-class education?” I’m for trying to find out.

One True Thing from Carol Lynch Williams: Kindness is Always Significant

Author Carol Lynch Williams has crafted stunning Young Adult novels like Miles from Ordinary and The Chosen One, and when she agreed to be a contributor to the Break These Rules anthology, I was ecstatic. Now, I'm ecstatic all over again to share Carol's beautiful, heartening One True Thing. Writing from a place of authenticity that doesn't resist the hard stuff of life, Carol's words pulse with a dedication to hope and love even int he midst of pain and suffering. Carol's novels are infused with both tenderness and gritty reality--as are her words below. And out of these grappling with both the joy and pain of life, carol is able to share redemption and hope that are hard-won and secure.

Kindness is Always Significant
by Carol Lynch Williams

This morning I am on my way to a funeral.

There have been a lot lately. Too many.

I go to support my daughter who was a friend to this young lady and to support her mother who is my friend.

Though my heart is broken, it beats with the One True Thing I would share. It's this: No matter what anyone may say, the way you treat others is always significant, is MOST important. Kindness is a One True Thing.

The way you are to people who are different, or poorer, or richer.

The way you act to someone who's skin is a different color, or who may not be as beautiful, or who's clothing is not like yours.

How you speak to those who may act in an odd way, or don't vote the way you would, or who practice a different religion.

Being kind is the gift we can develop that puts us all on the same playing field because when we treat people the way we want to be treated, no matter what a crowd or voice or opinion may demand, we see the human-ness in others.

This morning, I am on my way to a funeral.

One day, people will come to my funeral. Yes, I want them to say I was funny, that I was a great Mom, and that I was an amazing writer. But more than all that, I want them to say, "Carol was always kind. To everyone."

That is my largest hope. My One True Thing.

Why We Need Pain to Write

For the September issue of The Writer, I wrote a piece with the above title. It came out of much of what these past eleven months have taught us, and I thought I'd include the link to where the article appears on the magazine's webpage: "Why We Need Pain to Write."