Saturday, January 19, 2013

Novel Ideas (Titles Included!)

Today's post is especially for writers--but it may also be of use to those struggling with how to find exactly the right words for certain amorphous emotions. Sometimes, we all get struck. The idea well runs dry, or the idea well runs dry, or we just feel like the idea well runs dry. For times like that, this post is essential. Already, this post has been hailed by major newspapers and magazines and also by international movie festival circles as "Pure Awesomeness Sliced Into Delightfully Thin Slices and Then Packaged as Deli Meat But Given Free of Charge."

Bono has called this post, "Mesmerizing."

The rest of the U2 band called this post, "Deeply Mesmerizing."

Michiko Kakutani has written, "Now that I have explored Luke's post for the thirty-second time, I am convinced that I have simply found the most perfect piece of English prose ever crafted."

Ryan Gosling was overheard shouting, "Yes! It's the one. I found it!"

Without further ado, then, here are NOVEL IDEAS (Titles Included!). Grab any one of these ideas, and go write that book you always knew you had inside of you.


Title: Moon's Holiday

Premise: The Moon (as protagonist) becomes angry at the Sun's constant need to be "the source of all energy" and decides once and for all that he [note: possible angle of added tension if the moon is female while the sun is a patriarchal male figure] will take a holiday. After this occurs (which happens to be forty thousand years in the future), humankind must endure the destructive consequences of this holiday: no more frozen yogurt, constant replaying of old Burt Reynolds movies on every television channel, and the mysterious disappearance of all suspenders everywhere.


Title: You Got Me, Babe

Premise: Conny and Sher are two people madly in love, but then they each begin growing a strange antennae from their heads. At first, each thinks the other is the only one with this strange metallic device poking out from their hair. But then, in Chapter 40, they finally look in a mirror and realize IT'S GROWING ON BOTH OF THEM. (Ends with this huge reveal and then leads into Book Two of the trilogy, where more stuff happens.)


Title: Whether 'Tis Nobler in the Mind to Suffer the Slings and Arrows

Premise: This novel can pretty much be about anything. Because its title is taken from Shakespeare. And titles taken from Shakespeare are awesome. They rock.


Title: Beach, Magnifying Glass, Condensation

Premise: An avid beach-walker finds a strange coin one morning on her beach walk. She leaves it on the nightstand later that night when she goes to bed. In the middle of the night the coin wakes her up by doing historical (and mind-bendingly accurate) impersonations of famous figures--Winston Churchill, George Bush (both) and other famous people that you can insert at will. As the novel progresses (and tension rise), the woman (who is named Samantha) must decide whether she will maintain her loyalty to the Talking Coin and resist what society tells her (That she is psychotic) or whether she will undergo therapy and intensive hospitalization.

Also, at the end of every chapter of the book, Samantha makes various smoothies. Each time, she uses different varieties of fruits, milk, yogurt, and sometimes even raisins and / or dried cranberries.


Title: Yes, You Know That I am Talking To You

Premise: This book is told int eh second person. The novel centers around an elite group of army intelligence personnel (retired) who are convinced of a conspiracy plot to overthrow the current government. After lots of intrigue, wrongful-accusations, and unnecessary violence, the crew of underdogs finally prove the conspiracy, but just as they do so, the President orders for them to be summarily executed. Can they prove their innocence and resist the Covert Executive Order and save America before it's too late?

*Note: throughout the novel, many people will say (during dialogue): "Yes, you know that I am talking to you," which readers will begin to think of as a refrain. Then, this will also (somehow) be the last line of the book. And there will be a secret page that is folded into the hardcover copy of the book, which, when readers find it and pull it out, will say, Yes, You Know That I am Talking To You (which will really freak out readers and probably help generate interest for a movie deal.)